Thank goodness the base restriction is released. All Marines still have to be back on base by 10 PM. First thing I did was hit the 100 yen store. Just because I could. I was actually heading for the grocery store to pick up several things that the base doesn’t carry. Standing in the middle of a isle picking out my curry, I was greeted with “something something Americano arigato”. They were actually thanking us for shopping there. Several of the businesses have been complaining about us being locked up. Apparently, we contribute allot to their community. It was nice to get off base today even though the weather is nasty.
Absolutely nothing but frustration is going on here. We are grounded to the base. When I say we, I mean everyone that lives or works on the base is not allowed to leave it. The grounding or the technical term “Period of Reflection” came about because US military or person associated with US military in Japan cannot behave themselves. We are told it is to last indefinitely. It is difficult for us at our tiny little base compared to other bases because we depend on the stores out in town for many things. Our base just doesn’t carry certain things like fresh chicken or bread. It’s been going on a week now so the frustration level is very high right now. Hopefully it will be over soon and not last indefinitely. I’m not looking forward to spending the next two years in Japan without getting to explore this exciting exotic country.
It’s just hard to understand unless you’ve been in the military. Even after seven years of military service, I still get comments like “at least you get to see him after a 6 month deployment.” WHAT? STOP; just a minute. Yes, I do but my son and I depend on this man daily for emotional, physical, and financial support. I understand others miss him to but it’s just not comparable. I also get “you knew what you were getting in to when you joined the Marine Corps.” Sort of, but not really. That day in the Marine Corps recruiter’s office he didn’t say, “By the way, after you complete basic training there will be a war that will last a decade and you will only see you family six months out of every year”. Hmmmm…If he had said that we might have rethought joining.
Just take a minute and consider how hard it must be to be a Marine (military) spouse.
Deployments are the hardest thing a military spouse will come across. Your partner is gone. Now it is your responsibility to take care of everything. There is house cleaning, financial obligations, home & vehicle maintenance, and children to keep up with. You have to do all things thing without losing your composure. You can’t let your children see how the separation affects you because they will start experiencing more anxiety. You defiantly can’t let your spouse know all the stress your under when he calls. He needs to concentrate on his job and coming home safely. If an emergency does arise you can’t just pick up the phone and call your spouse for counsel on how to deal with the issue or to let them know your child just broke a foot or arm. You learn to become independent very quickly. Sometimes you just need a hug to get you through, but there is no one there to give you that physical touch you desire. It can be hard to sleep since your other pillow is missing. Then there is sex or the deprivation of it. You just don’t know how much you value your life partner until they are gone.
The hardest part is consoling your children. Children just really don’t understand why a Dad that lives with him has to leave on deployments. Why can’t Dad be here to tuck me in every night? It’s not like there was a divorce and that there is a clear separation of households. He only has one home, one family that he counts on. When his only family is separated temporally, he shows stress too. You can’t punish the child that wets their bed every night only when Dad is away. When they are hurt or sick they cry for the one person that you just can’t give them. All they want is Dad to hold and hug them. As deployment come and go and the child matures, there are different emotional issues to overcome. It’s never the same. The most influential person in a child’s life is the same sex parent. Dad has to miss out on the first day of school, special school programs, that sports game, broken bones, surgeries, and even more important; birthdays and holidays. It’s just not the same when the whole family can’t be together for Christmas. Those are the times a child needs Dad’s support the most.
Your family support system in most cases is gone. They can’t help you when you live thousand miles away and they really don’t understand the Marine Corps inner workings. Yeah, you have some great friends but most likely they are busy going through the same things you are. Orders come up for you or your friends, so you have to start over gaining that new friend’s trust.
Now after all that new found independence you’ve just learn, you have to learn to adjust all over again. Even homecoming is a huge adjustment; you have to try to act like the separation never happened & that he has always been there. It’s not easy to pick back up; your experiences have made both of you different people now.
Even though I didn’t take an oath to the Marine Corps, I still am sanctioned by them. That’s why we have a special title; the military spouse. The government doesn’t even look at you as a civilian; your title is a military dependent. Technically, you both joined. I’m told what I can and can’t wear inside the base facilities (movie theater, shopping mall, & grocery store). I’ll be asked to leave if I’m wearing what they consider to be inappropriate clothing. There goes my freedom of expression. There are rules on how high the grass is allowed to grow. They can even come into your house & tell you how to take care of it. Even our holiday decorations have a put up date and take down date. Christmas lights have to be turn off at a certain time every day. If you child gets in trouble at school or you forget to pay a bill, the Marine’s work place is contacted; then everyone knows your personal affairs. When a Marine decides to make a serious criminal error, the whole base is punished with restriction to base or a curfew; even if the idiotic Marine was at some other base nearby. If you happen to live in a country other than the US, they may seem tolerant but they really don’t want you there. Living in another country adds a whole slew of different stressors especially during separations. There are tons of stupid little rules that we have to follow.
It’s hard to write down all of the experiences that we go through during deployments. Don’t get me wrong I love the Marine Corps. They have many wonderful programs that help with all the demands of the Corps. We have accomplished everything and more that we wanted to because we joined. I just want to you to understand it is not as easy (emotionally) as it looks and we don’t always handle the situations very well, but we do become a stronger family for it. But before you say something, just ask yourself how well would you be able to handle being in my shoes or another military wife’s.
But without the pumpkin stage coach and a new dress, but I had my handsome prince. I snuck in a old dress; since no one here had seen it before. The selection on base was disastrous anyway. The exchange thinks three racks of dresses will cover everyone one on base; yeah right! I thought I’d save some money and not buy a new dress, but we shelled it out anyway, in tickets. Forty-five bucks each! All I can say is the food better be good and hot. I’ve been to my fair share of balls (five all together plus this one) and some of them I should have just stayed home.
The fact that this one is being conducted in the gym on the basketball court; just screamed stay home. As we approached the gym and received VIP parking, we found that the front doors of the gym had been converted into a replica of Tun Tavern. (For those non-Marine folk; It’s the place were the Marine Corps was founded.) We walked in and received the red carpet treatment. I was just waiting for the paparazzi to jump out from behind a flower arrangement.
I think that was the longest red carpet walk ever. Already, I want to get some relief from my stunning black heals. Upon entering the gym, Prince Charming and I were in awe. I wasn’t sure if we were in a gym or at a real convention center. The ceiling and walls were covered in camo netting. The floor was blue with red strips; just like the dress blue trousers. The table were set very fancy for throw away cups, place-mats, and napkins. Candle light just set the mood; along with the rose Prince Charming bought me.
I had heard rumors of how gorgeous the ladies power room was (aka: Converted Racket Ball Court), so I couldn’t resist seeing if they were true. The rumors were right on target. No wonder the exchange doesn’t have anything this in it. It’s all in the power room. Wall to wall tables with huge mirrors with fifty different perfume all laid out. I just had to try some; now I smelt like a perfume factory. I had to primp the hair and take tons and tons of pictures of the fantastic room of elegance. Well, at least a couple.
Now on to cocktail hour, we had a few to light the mood then socialized with the incoming crowd. The ceremony started off with a brief intro and prayer. Then onto the traditional Commandant Birthday message. A display of Marine uniforms of the past and present sashed down a runway type seen. The guest of honor was a Sergeant which is very unusual. Usually its some old guy no one knows. The cake gets cut, finally dinner. Just a little tip: Always eat something before coming to a ball or you’ll starve to death before you get to eat. The food was actually really good this time. Beautiful ball, good food; who would have thunk-ed it.
We had Japanese Black Tiger shrimp, Classic Caesar salad, Breast of Chicken Hawaiian with vegi medley and roasted redskin potatoes, and birthday party Genoise sponge cake. The bar was closed until after dinner. I don’t know what they were thinking. As soon as they opened it back up; the stampede began. We hung out for awhile. Unfortunately, this Cinderella had a ten o’clock curfew set by the fairy-babysitter-godmother.
For those who have not heard of it; The America Supports You Freedom Walk is a new national tradition to reflect on the lives lost on September 11, renew our commitment to freedom and the values of our country and honor our veterans, past and present. The walk here was something like ten football field lengths. (So they said.) Good thing they were passing out fans cause dam was it hot. At the end of the walk there was a short ceremony at the chapel. A few hymns and speeches then free food. You know I did it for the free lunch. Really it was fun and for a important cause.
Everyone should do something to show their support for the troops. Slapping a bumper sticker on your car just doesn’t do it. Get involved volunteer some time. Today I did mine; I walked.
